Journal Entry

7 January 2002 ... On Writing

I hereby revoke my New Year's resolutions. Most specifically, the one about writing 500 notebook pages.

I have not written any notebook pages in the past week. I don't even have a notebook in which to write. (I've got plenty of blank books, which I use for other purposes, just none of the 9x11 spiral bound exercise books I usually pour my diary-type drivel into.)

At first, I thought I was simply procrastinating a WalMart run. But, being honest with myself, I actually didn't want to buy a new notebook. I wondered if maybe it was time to change my journalling tools... go back to writing on loose leaf? experiment with a different pen? perhaps a hard back blank book? write in rainbow colors?

None of these options are really appealing to me. So what's the deal?

The resolution to write another 500 pages... That was a knee jerk kind of thing. It's what I wanted last year. It's what I needed, really. I wanted to consider myself a writer. I know writer's write, and I wanted to push myself to write.

And I did push myself. And in the end, what did it get me? I really was writing drivel in my notebooks. Serious drivel. I was not experimenting at all. I was not doodling. I was not doing anything fun. or interesting. And to top it all off, I quit writing here, at S8, as well.

In the past seven days I have not written a word of drivel in a notebook. And it feels, almost, like my mind is slowly waking up again. I think, perhaps, I was... hm, maybe not wasting time with my notebook, but more like, in writing words in my notebook, I found less energy to put into other projects.

So, is the reign of the 100 page notebook over? I'm not sure... I think I would like it to be over. But I do obsess.

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