December 1999


2 Dec 1999 ::: Ugh :::
         I got to the end of the work day. As usual, it surprised me. This morning I railed about getting out of my warm comfortable bed. At work I seemed to be caught in some kind of hellish time warp where it was always 8:45 with nothing to do and nothing to look forward to. ugh. But slowly time got on, and I got through another day without losing my cool. And tomorrow I have to do it all again? This is utterly ridiculous.

This is not a real journal entry.

Try back this weekend...


3 Dec 1999 ::: Short :) :::
Today I got hugged enthusiastically by a five year old. That made me smile. That made me feel good. That made me feel... pure and happy and just incredible.


4 Dec 1999 :: Car Radio :::
Of course, we won't mention cheri's complete and utter failure at installing a new car radio.

The first thing we notice is: "Wow, that's a lot of wires!" There are four speakers, each speaker has a positive and negative wire. That's 8 wires plus a ground, plus one for the ignition, plus an antenna, plus various other wires that lead absolutely nowhere. And they are all pretty colors!

Next thing to notice is that the wires are all mislabled in my car. Oh joy. I had to get into each speaker to check the color of each wire at the source.

And next, we remember we don't have wire cutters or anything to strip wires with. Scissors work, just not very well. And not very safely either. ouch.

And then, three hours later...

I can truthfully say that all four speakers were playing music.

And then, a couple minutes later...

I can truthfully say that none of the speakers were playing any music. Or any static for that matter.

And then it was too dark to play anymore. So I am left frustrated. grr. Pray for happy car radios tomorrow, okay? :)


5 Dec 1999 ::: Routine :::
Car radio update. I barely made it out of bed this morning to go to work, due to the lovely pain in my back from leaning over car radios for three hours yesterday. After work this morning, I tinkered with the damn radio again, ignoring back pain and the bruised arm. Right now, both left speakers work. Yay! I rewired the front right speaker, which thereafter worked for a total of two seconds. Boo. I'm not exactly sure what's up with that so I decided to leave it. Left hand music is better than none!

And now for something completely different...

         I have been getting a pretty strong message from my... Muse. You know. The bitch. :) The word of the day is routine. We all have our own ways of doing things. I think I sometimes get stuck in mine a little too deeply. Even when the routine is working well, it pays to shake things up a bit on occasion.

This weekend I (half) fixed my car radio. Now I don't have to take the quickest route home from work. Now I can take the slower routes as well because the ride is more enjoyable with tunes.

The messages tell me to live a little. or a lot, as the case may be. heh. I know it's time to move on to something different. I'm just not sure yet as to where this all is heading. Of course I don't have a plan... I never have a plan. But I'm sure there is something on the horizon, I have to be ready and I have to recognize it as an opportunity.

I have to learn to trust a little. Kind of like the X-files millennium episode... the world did not end with the year 2000, and the world did not end with the kiss. The world is not going to end if I... <insert something remarkable here> I know that. I just need to fill in the blank.


9 Dec 1999 ::: Apartment Complaints :::
         Today I am really hating my apartment. It is too small for my needs. I like big, open spaces with lots of natural light. I must have been out of my mind when I signed the dotted line on this thing.

         My toilet broke over the weekend. It was something that I could have fixed, but I figured it was not my responsibility so I left it for someone else to do. I put in a work order for that and my dripping faucet in the bath tub. The fix-it guy came the next day when I was at work. Apparently fix-it guys find it impossible to clean up after themselves. The toilet was fixed but the faucet is dripping even worse. There is a mark at the bottom of my tub where the water is coming down... the mineral deposit is a stalagmite in the making. I could buy fancy lighting and conduct tours like they do in caves.

         I believe I've mentioned the bugs here. They come in three sizes. The little beetle ones are actually kind of cute, until you see about 10 of them spread out on your kitchen walls. I haven't really figured out what to think about the medium sized beetle things. They aren't exactly ugly, and there aren't too many of those kind around either. The big bugs are the problem. Cockroaches. Ugh. These are just the regular 3/4 inch bugs. But they are ugly. And gross. And disgusting. And ugly.

         Cockroaches offend me. Which is a big problem to my loving, vegetarian lifestyle. Sometimes I lose it and I smush one with my hand. Mostly I really can't handle killing them directly. But I wish I could. I wish those roaches would just go away from me. But there's one crawling right in front of me...

         Back to my hateful little apartment. Do you realize that there is only one set of grounded plug-ins? Do you realize I am running all my computer stuff, vcr, two stereos, my frige, my microwave, my alarm clock, and my toaster, out of two little outlets? Do you realize how stupid and dangerous this is?? Sometimes my computer acts funny when I nuke my dinner in the microwave. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

         And there is a feral cat using my potted tree on my porch as a litter box. Damn cat. Damn apartment.

         Well anyway. So much for that. um. Be sure to visit again after this weekend. I plan on sprucing up the place with some holiday graphics or something.


12 Dec 1999 ::: I Am :::
Journal Prompt. A list of "I am"...

I am cheri. I am rift. I am female. I am 26 years old. I am sitting cross-legged in front of my computer. I am drinking fake coffee. I am enjoying my fake coffee. I am trying to come up with a decent journal entry. I am looking at my bare walls. I am thinking I need a tapestry.

I am looking at the movies I have watched recently. DragonHeart, The Last Unicorn, Ever After, Ice Pirates and WaterWorld. I am always crying at the end of DragonHeart.

I am a loner. I am weird. I am strange. I am a stranger. I am a differ.

I am an animal lover. I am a believer in animal rights. I am a veterinarian assistant.

I am journaling. I am wondering if "journaling" has one "l" or two. :) I am typing. I am writing. I am thinking about words.

I am hoping christmas will go well. I am wondering about New Year's. I am thinking about the future. I am saying "see ya" to tpg.

I am shy. I am not motivated.

I am wondering what people think of me.


13 Dec 1999 ::: Sheesh :::
Hm. Christmas Spirit got you yet? I don't really have anything christmassy around here, other than the little graphics on the site. It seems silly to buy decorations since I will be on vacation and not here for the actual day. Perhaps I will buy some lights for my little potted tree on my porch. 'Course with my luck my damn feral cat that is using the tree as a litter box will chew on the lights and electrocute herself. Then I will have a little kitty corpse to deal with...


15 Dec 1999 ::: Poor Sick Me :::
Well, if you can't handle any complaining today, I suggest you go elsewhere. Because, poor, poor me, I am sick. Actually, I'm pretty sure I am dying. Okay. It's just the flu and it's probably just that I wish I were dead. Poor me.

I went and bought drugs. hehe. Took some too, can you tell? :D I can't wait to take the night-time drugs, those sound nice...

But I am so bummed. I can't go tell narul bye-bye, 'cause I don't want to make everyone else sick. And my head hurts. And my nose. Acutally my whole face, really. boo. Narul better be glad that he is not going to catch this horrible horrible disease from me.

ugh. I think I am going to go lie down now...


17 Dec 1999 ::: Damn Cat :::
More complaining. A cat took a big chunk out of my finger at work today. Lovely. I didn't even think she got me that bad, 'til I noticed blood dripping on the floor and realized it was probably mine. ugh. It'll probably get infected with the luck I've been having lately. And then I'll be allergic to the antibiotic they give me. Then they'll have to chop off my hand anyway. How's that for pessimism?!


18 Dec 1999 ::: It's Been a Day :::
It's been an interesting day. Hopefully I will have the patience to type it all out...

Background: Yesterday a cat bit me, got me on the pads of my two middle fingers on my right hand. Pretty deep cuts, a puncture on the middle finger, a V-shaped slice on the ring finger which still bleeds when there's no pressure on it. I am pretty squeamish about such things, I almost passed out everytime I changed the bandage yesterday. It's pretty gross.

Anyway. Woke up this morning to find my fingers swollen and red streaks going up my arm... a sure sign of an infection. I went to work, thinking that I would get all the morning chores out of the way and then let my help take it from there while I went to the doctors. Of Course, my "help" is a no-show. Damn him.

So, I'm out, doing the morning chores one-handed, and I notice an extra dog... Our boarding facility has indoor-outdoor runs, and on the outside there are the runs, then a pathway, then a retaining wall which is almost five feet high. And there's this stray dog, running back and forth along the runs. My gods, someone has dumped this dog in here for us to deal with. And she's just adorable, full of good natured energy, how anyone could give up that bundle of joy is just beyond me. I took her in, but she will be going to the pound on Monday. Which makes me so very sad.

After the morning chores, I have just enough time to go to the docs before I have to play Veterinary Assistant... The doc tells me what I already know. "Wow, that's a really bad infection!" "Does this hurt?" Yes. All those red infection streaks going up and down my arm hurt for some reason which I do not understand. Kind of like a pulled muscle and kind of like a bruise too. My whole arm hurts. And, yes, when you poke my finger that hurts too. Silly doctor types.

So I go back to work, there is not enough time to get my drugs. I somehow make it to closing time at 1pm... I had to fight one dog, when my blood pressure went up, my finger started bleeding again. Lovely. And those red streaks were getting ever more pronounced. Very attractive. And through it all, I am keeping a very positive attitude. You would be so proud of me! :)

Then after work, I have to fight the xmas shopping traffic. "All I want is some drugs, you silly shoppers! Please get your cars out of my way!" But no one ever listens to me. And I had to fight for a parking space, too. And then they took a long time to give me my big blue pills. Pretty pills. Very expensive pretty pills. We hope these expensive and pretty pills will work!

So that was my day. Right now I am cuddled under my electric blanket, nice and warm and half-way comfortable. Typing is slow going... it's been a few years since I have had to hunt and peck!


20 Dec 1999 ::: Leaving :::
I will be on vacation beginning Tuesday, 21 Dec. I will still have Internet access while I'm gone and hope to be adding some entries.
Merry Christmas!!


22 Dec 1999 ::: Vacation! :::
Welcome to the new, boring, graphics-free, no-frills journal entries. :) I am vacationing in Iowa, playing on my grandmother's computer.

Monday was my last day of work. And, you won't believe this one... A dog bit me. heh. The cat bite is on the right hand, dog bite on the left hand. Damn animals. But we must look at the good in all situations, right? I was already on antibiotics and already on pain meds too. Took the edge off anyway. I'm just glad I'm on vacation now, I'm pretty useless with both my hands out of commission.

Tuesday was my plane trip. Planes are fun, once I take my drugs for motion sickness. heh.

I got a window seat this time. The view from so far above the earth is always so fascinating. The road lines dividing the land into rectangles as far as the horizon. The teeny, tiny houses. The occasional rivers snaking through. The patches of dark trees looking like a digital drawing of fractals.

About half the plane trip we were flying over clouds. Beautiful, nothing but fluffy whiteness below us, blue sky above us. The sun was hitting the clouds just right, I could see the occasional rainbow... A full circle, pretty small, almost straight below us. Wow. At first I thought I was hallucinating, I had taken so many drugs that morning. :) But, nope, for really real, a full circle rainbow right below us. Pretty incredible.


23 Dec 1999 ::: Sledding :::
I found true joy. :) Yesterday I got bundled up, long underwear, jeans and sweatshirt, two pairs of thick socks and huge thick coveralls, a hooded stocking cap and two pairs of gloves to protect my poor abused hands. Then out I go, into the snow with my brother and dad and a couple of plastic sleds and a snow board!

Incredible and Beautiful. Sun shining in a blue, blue sky. The cold whiteness making me shiver until I got moving a bit. Wow.

My brother and I tried out the sleds on the long driveway first. Then we walked to the back pasture, getting stuck climbing over the barbed wire fence. Then we raced our sleds down the hill, trying to stop before we fell in the crick. The cows were curious and looked on, getting closer and closer, until I decided to go pet them... they all ran away.

I tried out the snow board. Only fell down three times on my way down the hill. :) But the sleding down was the fun-est. Getting a running start, flopping down in the sled. Going ever so faster on the tracks we made previously, making new tracks and getting slapped in the face with grass and weed that poked above the snow. Wrestling when we got to the bottom of the hill. Even trudging back up the hill was wonderful!

When we were done having fun we made our way back to the house, again getting stuck on the barbed wire. We waved to the guy in the tractor who was feeding the curious cows. Put the sleds in the barn. At the house we spent time on the porch taking off wet clothes and I spent about 15 minutes of huffing and puffing trying to get my brother's boots off. Back inside at last we sat down to some hot, homemade cocoa! Perfectly perfect!


25 Dec 1999 ::: Christmas Time! :::
Merry Christmas All. Everyone is in my thoughts. I hope you are having a wonderful Christmas. Please keep it safe, okay.

{{{{{{{{Love and Hugs}}}}}}}}


26 Dec 1999 ::: Yep :::
I have been absolutely miserable for the past four or five days. The antibiotic I was taking for my cat bite has made me quite sick. On Friday I decided I couldn't take it anymore. The constant stomach ache, punctuated with some very nice stomach cramps, hurt more than the infected bite. I quit taking the antibiotics three days early. I know I am a horrible human being, and everyone should listen to their doctor and always finish their antibiotic series, and that is how all these antibiotic-resistant diseases have come about. But man. Not that it did much good, as my innards are still quite unhappy.

This morning I decided that I could almost live like this forever. Well, minus my poor tummy problems. Everything is taken care of by others. Laundry, dishes, driving. Meals and candy and cookies, not that I can eat anything. boo. Unfortunately, I am losing weight during a time when I should be gaining. As if I didn't look anorexic before. Oh well.

The farm I'm at is in the middle of nowhere. There are some cows and the feral cats, occasionally some sheep. Lots of old buildings, full of junk, to explore. The walk down to the mailbox is a major exercise session. Not much to do, I am grateful for the time I now have to read.

What I wouldn't give to be able to sit down to a full meal, tho. And munch on candy and cookies. I would kill to be able to drink a coke. I tried a coke last night and I almost had to kill myself, my stomach was so unhappy. heh. It sucks to be sick at Christmas. But at least I am enjoying my time here, away from everything! Well, I think I am going to walk down the lane to get the mail now.

Hope everyone is enjoying their holiday!!


28 Dec 1999 ::: Talk :::
My family likes to sit around and talk. I don't know why, I don't see anything interesting in it. That's just what they do. They talk about who has what disease, who has died and the health of random people. Mostly they talk about who is related to who and how. This is their most fascinating subject. And then they talk about who lives in what house and who has moved into that house over there on that hill. And then someone turns to me.

Uh oh.

"I hear you are moving to Arizona."
"Yes." "Where abouts?" "Phoenix."
Then they procede into why I'm moving. "No reason."
And if I have a job there yet. "Nope."
And what kind of job I will be looking for. "Nothing for a while."

Then they delve into what kind of job I should get and I have to sit there and look interested. I could go into construction, they have to hire me because I am female, tho I have no experience. I should start my own pet-sitting business. They went through jobs working with dogs, horses, plants and computers. Ho hum.

Then they go into "You guys can stay at my house when you start moving." heh. I might take up one offer, but the others are about 1500 miles out of the way. :)

Anyway. The talk around here is much too boring. I think I am about ready to come home.


30 Dec 1999 ::: Home :::
Home again, yay! Actually... no, I am not that excited to be home... It's good to be home and all, but I have to show up at work tomorrow and I'm working New Year's Day as well. sighs. I should have quit that job ages ago. Oh well. It'll be good to see all the animals again, and Adric the guinea pig is there too. I can't wait to bring him home.

I went to the doctor today. I wanted them to rip all my innards out so I wouldn't have to deal with food any more. But nope, they told me I've got some kind of stomach flu. And I paid 100$ for this information? Sheesh. Some day I am going to stop going there...

They basically told me I have to wait it out. And a list of food to avoid and some food to eat. I can't eat fruits or vegetables or candy or pop. heh. Poor cheri the vegetarian. I can eat cereal, oh, but no milk, and rice and crackers. yum.

Could somebody kill me, please?

There's a lot that needs to be done around here, too. Should take down the holiday graphics. Have to update the "recent entries". ugh. Need to go get my xmas present to myself... my own domain. :) Need to choose somebody to host it too. And get a new design for my new front page. And the list goes on.


31 Dec 1999 ::: Happy New Year :::
Happy New Year Everyone. Keep it safe, okay!

{{{{{{{{Love and Hugs}}}}}}}}

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